More Poems

THE LAY OF THE LADY She held his hands, she held his head, “Sir, please don’t go, please stay with me” He kissed her hands, her head and said “Within a year I’m back, you’ll see.”A teardrop slowly left her eye And found its way across her cheek More teardrops fell when she said “I Will follow when it’s Death you seek.”“I seek Queprur? You know, my love That duty binds me to this war. But please ask Armeros above That you will see me from afarWhen I return from battles won With bags of gold, my armour sold To live with you and you will run To greet me! Now, release your hold.”He gently took her hands and kissed Her fingers and her lips. One tear Did leave his eye: he too would miss His newly wed, his love, his dear.Thus as they held their heads so near And felt their hearts beating as one Upon her cheek he left his tear A final kiss; then he was gone.So all that she had left of him As he rode o’er the path down south And went over the mountain’s rim Was this small tear that passed her mouthAnd with the other tears streamed from Her neck towards her bosom where From cold or desperation some Did freeze upon those two flanks fair.And long after she’d lost the sight Of him did she remain up there Till cold and darkness forced her flight While she bade Armeros to careFor him “Whose braveness, strength and wit Would surely save his skin,” she said “But gods might disagree.” and lit A candle to amend for that.And as she looked into the flame The little warmth reached to her breast To melt the fear away. His name She spoke when she lay down to rest.So each night when she went to sleep She lit a little candle so That he might live in Arm’ros keep And fell asleep by candle’s glowThen one night she woke up and saw That only starlight filled the room The flame was gone. A sudden flaw Of wind had heralded her doom.The darkness and the cold now clawed Together at her heart and she Who put her fate in flames was gnawed By cold and dark anxietyAnd as the light of morning came Her heart was icy-cold. No fear Was left, nor did she speak his name, Nor did she shed a single tear.She only followed the same road That he had taken when he went Away. The noise ahead forebode The truth that nightly wind had sent.She never reached the market square Where widows new and old alike Were weaping for their fate unfair She only gazed down from a pikeAnd saw the cart with bodies filled She recognized the armour which She would not sell. His blood was spilled, Queprur had hungered for his lich.Within a year he had returned But she would not run down to him Instead she turned, ran back and burned Their house and threw herself therein.Or maybe she went to the top Of the White Lady mountain where Beneath its flanks her life did stop And did she find her lover there.And every spring the mountain cries Fresh tears from frozen waterfalls Just like a flame, before it lies And is put out by sudden flaws.And if you venture past the tears Of hope and up the mountain side You might feel that the Lady nears Or see her if she does not hide…

FAIR LADY IN WHITE She leaves not a trace, not a shadow you see But when she comes by she looks always at me Her fair eyes; like flowers with frostbite they be So haunted, not sparkling, no trace left of glee.Fair lady in white, won’t you tell me your name Or tell me at least if we aren’t the same Did fate break your heart or did he find a dame Who suited him more, tell me, who is to blame?The fairness of her; it is worthy of song But chilly! You shiver when she comes along And like all her kind - it’s not here they belong – She saves on her speech and keeps guard on her tongueFair lady in white, oh please tell me your name Or tell me at least; aren’t we two the same? Did fate break your heart or did he find a dame With whom he took off, tell me, who is to blame?I once met this girl who I admired most And I had to have her, no matter the cost But when I did tell her, to me she was lost Her heart it was covered with layers of frostA lady in white she was, without a name An icy-cold heart she had, was I to blame? You’re dead with no lover and so is my dame So tell me now, Lady, are you two the same?

THE WRETCHED ELF Ears of the dagger point; Eyes of the fire burn, Lips of the ruby blood; The wretched elf comes.Cold of the frozen soul; A mind of the sinister kind, Hands of a killer be; The wretched elf comes.Skin brighter than white; Hair darker than night, Teeth yellow as rotten flesh; The wretched elf comes.Pain in the heart; Loss of the mind, Freezing of the lungs; The wretched elf comes.Body gone cold; Soul gone to dust, Death is to me; As the wretched elf comes. THE VENLAKEN NIGHTMARE Past the jungles of the west, Birds of red and yellow, Over seas of scattered leaves, Rivers calm and mellow,Further than the states of Zhun, Over Kimbar’s song, Past the lively Hootar harbours, 'cross beaches gold and long,Over Marmarra's dark ancient city, echoing from jet black stone, leaving behind troubling witches, their chilling screams and moans,Into the enclave of pain and death, it is a land of twisted power, its armies marching in collosal terror, A haunting presence every hour,Venlaken is the place I speak about, A land that lives fatality, Shrouded in clouds of black magic, A perverse and dark reality,Go! Back to the shores of homely Zhun, To the soothing Kimbar tunes, Return to the calm and golden beaches, the magnificance of desert dunes,Hide back into your thick rainforests, Stay in your lively palace, For Venlaken, it is not beautiful, There is only pain and malice,Go back to your familiar havens, Your tranquil, safer lands, For in Venlaken you must fulfill, The Daedhirian souls' demands,Do not return to Venlaken's wastes, The land of nightmares true, Stay where the mystic terrors of the lost, Will never again find you... DO NOT WHISPER TO THE WIND Do not whisper to the wind, For wind winds far and deep, Deep down into the shadow land Where evil creatures sleep. The echo of thy uttered word Can wake them, make them creep!Do not whisper to the wind, For seething monsters hear; The winds will carry monologues To meet their careful ears, And they will rise up from their tombs To plague the world with fear.Do not whisper to the wind For demons know, they say, Where rests thy sleepy, pretty head When darkness swallows day, And in the night they’ll come on thee And steal thy soul away!Do not whisper to the wind, For evil’s waiting there With anxious claws and open ears Just listening to the air. And waiting for a foolish child To whisper unaware.Do not whisper to the wind, For beasts come leather skinned With eyes aglow in sickly hue And figures tall and thinned. Thou may not, shall not, cannot Ever whisper to the wind!

THE MEWLIPS When tales they tell by firelight, Of things the children to affright, Then Mewlip’s name is whispered soft, For sodden Mewlip haunts the night, A ghastly, gormly sight.In stagnant marshes dank and deep The Mewlips dwell, the Mewlips creep. Where grey-grim mosses hang aloft, Where dripping willows ever weep, And corbies murder sleep.The tall reeds make a dismal wall, Their roof a murky waterfall, A shadow for a blanket there, And mist a ready-whitened pall, Hovering over all.Their soft blanched hands are quick to hold, Beware, ye travellers too bold! They wrap you in their clinging hair, And then the scaly limbs enfold, Down in the bog and cold.No eye has seen a Mewlip face, Only the sodden weeds which trace Strange fungal features dimly guessed, A maw that seeks and gapes apace, Dining without a grace.Seek not the Mewlip marshes fey! Walk not that slime-beshadowed way, Naught but the mould'ring head-bones jest, Baring their teeth to the wincing day, Clacking their jaws with 'nay!

The Halloween Guest(poem)

You never know what you’ll find

When you set out on Halloween;

But once you discover what’s in the dark

It’ll make you scream;

Beyond the safety of your front door,

Goblins, ghosts, and vampires are real;

As you pass the glowing, grinning jack-o-lanterns,

Is that terror that you feel?

Chin up, don’t tarry

Halloween is just one big story, you know;

I mean, black cats aren’t really witches,

That’s so Edgar Allen Poe!

What? You hear footsteps behind you?

But it is only you and me!

Don’t tell me you’re getting scared,

A little… creepy?

Wasn’t that last house generous,

Filling your bag with sinful, tasty treats?

Did you notice that the man had fangs?

That will make your heart stop a beat;

Yes, you are correct,

That was a coffin by the door;

I bet he’d let you lie in it,

If you want some more.

There is screeching in the air,

You’re right, they’re bats;

When they are hungry

They get to swarming like gnats;

Bats are voracious about blood,

So you’d better protect your neck;

Watch out, they might swoop down on you,

They’re tiny as a speck.

Yes, that’s a graveyard,

It’s very, very old;

Beware, lest you meet Pernilla,

For a ghost, she’s dreadfully bold;

See that tall stone, like an obelisk?

It’s her resting place;

However, she’s anything but peaceful

If you meet her face to face!

What, you want to go home,

You’ve had enough?

I hope it’s nothing that I said,

But to survive Halloween, you’ve got to be tough;

There are werewolves on the prowl,

You never know who’ll they’ll be;

But, friend, you’re in luck

Because they look just like me!

3 A.M.

As I sit twitching due to all I've seen, I look up and saw what caused it.........

I woke up gasping for air. I just had a dream but I can't remember what it was. I shake off the disturbed feeling I had and I look at my clock, it's 3 am. I've never been afraid of the dark but tonight something wasn't right. I felt someone was watching me.

I live in a two story house with many
mirrors. My dad set them up so that if you stand in certain spots, you can't be seen but you can view the entire room.

I have an acute sense of hearing. For example, I can hear my cat jump off the couch in the living room while I'm in my room on the second floor. I always have a sort of "spidy sense" when things aren't right.

I had that feeling now. The phone started ringing. I mindlessly got up to answer it. As I picked it up all I heard was a breathing at the same rhythm as mine. I hung up. All the lights were off. I could've sworn I left the living room light on. I go downstairs to turn on the light.

The back door was wide open and now so are my eyes. I jump over the furniture to avoid the usual path and shut it quickly. I thought, "This won't make much difference at this point..." I guess it was reflex.

It was pitch black so I let my ears adjust after hearing my heart in them. I touch the walls to guide myself to the kitchen. I grab the biggest knife out of the sink and get ready to attack. The water seemed thicker. I try to control the sense, the fear I
have. I then hear a steady *drip drip* coming from the sink. I reach up to turn off the faucet to find it was already completely off. I grope for a light switch and flip it on. I hold my terror as I saw what caused the dripping.

My cat was strung up by a noose above the sink, cut in a straight line from the neck down. The blood had filled the sink and the steady *drip drip* was the blood dripping from the tail. My hand and the knife were covered in blood.

There was something written on the counter in my cats blood, " See with your ears, not with your eyes. Or you are in for a real surprise". Just then the power went out. As my eyes adjusted I strained my ears for any sound.

A loud BOOM came from the back door and I jumped and hit the fridge. The boom kept happening but grew quieter and quieter until it was practically
unnoticeable. I felt along the wall for the closet door, I opened it and grabbed my baseball bat. I walked with it in front of me to the back door.

As I opened it I couldn't help but scream a little. My dad was hanging with an internet cable tied around his neck. It was connected somewhere in his room and he was outside the window. As he spun I saw another note. It was nailed into his heart.

It read, "One in this house down, two to go. You are last so enjoy the show". I then heard an evil, high
pitched, down right disturbing, laugh. It came from all directions.

I again strained my ears and heard foot steps from the top floor stepping
quickly but covering little ground, like a loud taunting tiptoe.

I ignored it and went to check the circuit box. When I opened it there was a note "The lights are off for a reason turn them on if you please.
But I promise the sights will bring
you to your knees."

I ripped off the note and flipped the switch. The same voice that laughed yelled, "I warned you!" In a childish way. I walked back in through the back door and immediately turned on the light.

I fell down to my knees. Ten people I didn't even know were strung up in different ways all around the room. Some by their necks, others by their toes, a few even by their hair. All had their eyes dug out and open gaping mouths. All were hanging about a foot above my height.

I was crying but I got back up. I was determined to destroy this madman. As I walked to the stairs, staring at all the bodies, I heard a sound like something was dropped down the stairs.

It was a blood covered arm. I heard the sound again, this time a leg. Then an arm, then a leg, and finally a head. It was my Mom's. I backed into one of the
corners and looked at the mirrors. All the mirrors were blocked by bodies and all of them turned to stare at me.

I broke down and started crying and twitching. As I sit twitching due to all I've seen I look up and saw what caused it. I looked up at the only viewable mirror and saw the man, the beast that caused this. It was me.

My dream rushed back to me. I was a serial murderer on the loose. I murdered house by house. I killed each living thing in each house as brutally as I could, taunting them before I killed them. I was attacking my next victim when I woke up.

In the mirror I saw myself covered in blood standing with a wicked smile on
my face. Then in my own crazed tone of voice I said, "Told you, you were last," and then I slit my own throat, smiling and twitching as all color left my body.

The outsides of my vision began to darken as I heard a demonic voice say, "Welcome home!"

Friend Of Mine

Inexplicably, he had been there all my life. Looming over me like some dark wave of the ocean, omnipresent and forever threatening, but never imminently approaching. He was always there with me, but he never came close. I would catch him out of the corner of my eye or see him standing from a long way off. Silver-white mist and wind would blow, stirring up the skeletal branches of the black trees, making them dance and sway in a strange, grotesque way. And I would see him standing among them, blending in almost perfectly. When he stepped closer, he was so hard to miss, and yet nobody ever seemed to see him but me. Shadows crept and slithered over the floor, but he would never cast one.

Once, when I was very little, I remember trying to point him out to my friends at recess. “There he is! See him standing there in the trees?” My little voice called out excitedly. Gathering around me like frenzied birds, everyone strained and struggled to see what I was pointing at. “I don’t see anything.” “There’s nothing there!” “What are you talking about Grace?” I was shocked. Surely they must be joking. “He’s right there! See him in those trees?” Came my frantic reply, I was now desperate to prove that he was real. They all just shook their heads at me and stepped away, scared.

Confusion and fright was wild in their eyes. None of them could see him, so to them I was a freakish, insane little girl who was seeing things. I was shunned from them from that moment on, an outcast, set aside and ignored, left to find for myself. After that, I learned to keep him to myself. The others couldn’t see him because he was mine, my special, protective friend always on the outskirts of my field of vision, but always there. I was special, and that was why he had chosen me, and why the others could not see him.

As I grew older, I began to notice that he would advance more and more with each passing year. That day on the playground, he was a very long way off, hardly more than a long, tall shadow among the leafless trees. One morning over the summer, he startled me greatly as I sat on my swing seat. I nearly fell right off, seeing him only a few feet away, in my own yard. He had never been in my yard before; he was always standing in the forest right outside my house. Now that he was so close, I felt safe and calm. At the start of the new school year, He was so close to my house, that while I was up in my room, he would be standing right next to my swing seat. At Christmas time, I could look out my window and see him standing right at the back door. It felt good to know that he wanted to be closer to me.

Next summer, he would follow me around almost like a little dog, staying closer to my side than ever before. I started talking to him, and he would nod his head as I spoke. People gave me strange, funny looks; they must have thought that I was talking to myself. One night, I went out into the yard to play with him. The night air was deathly cold and chilled me to the bone. For the first time, he put his skeletal hand on my shoulder. My mother came out then to ask what I was doing. “Playing with my friend, Mama.” I answered in my innocent little voice. “But Grace, honey, there’s nobody out here but you.” She said the same fear and confusion apparent in her wide blue eyes that I had seen in my friends. “Mama, I know you can’t see him, but he really is here.” She dismissed it as simply a little girl letting her imagination run wild.

Near the end of that summer, Mama had to take me to the hospital. The doctors said I was very sick. I remember Mama leaning over my little hospital bed, stroking my hair and telling me that everything was going to be okay. And I knew that she was right, because my friend stood right by my bed too, and when Mama had gone, he stroked my hair just like she had. Morning came, and Mama and Papa were talking in hushed tones with the doctor. My friend sat on the side of my bed, watching me. It made me feel so happy that he was there with me. I could hear Mama Papa and the doctor talking, although they tried to sustain their voices to barely above a whisper. “This cancer has been growing inside her since birth. It’s slowly been killing her since then. I’m sorry to say this, but we didn’t get her to the hospital fast enough. There is nothing we can do. Grace only has a few days to live.”

Sobbing and choking, my distressed mother came to the side of my bed, talking to me quietly. Papa stood over me, tears running down his cheeks. “We’re going to take you home now; you can sleep for a few days there.” Mama gasped through her tears.

Laying in the warmth and comfort of my bed, I could see my friend standing over me. He stayed faithfully and loyally by my side all through the night, and all the next day. When the next night crept over everything like a slinking black cat, He got closer and closer. Mama and Papa couldn’t stop crying, holding my hands and telling me how much they loved me. I really didn’t see why they were so upset. My friend reached down and took my little hands in his bone thin one. Squeezing my hand tightly, he took me away into the black night. Silver-white mist and wind blew, stirring up the skeletal branches of the black trees, making them dance and sway in a strange, grotesque way. I closed my eyes…

Rules To Surviving A Horror Movie

You've heard on how to survive a madman killer. Now you can learn on how to survive a horror movie!

Firstly, never drink or do drugs and stay a virgin. Boring!

Never say that you'll be right back because you won't be.

Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.

When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

Big breasts and blonde hair are a death-wish.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.

Always check the back seat of your car.

If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you.

If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.

Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow descended from one of the original participants.

If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!

Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. They will eventually get you killed.

Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.

Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.

Nothing is ever over if it is still night-time.

Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.

Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by a maniac/monster. Your only way out will be to jump.

Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you make it out alive. It guarantees that you have no future.

Never under any circumstances run upstairs if you are being chased.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions.

Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Remember: Showing Skin=Death.

Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.

When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.

If you're annoying person that no-body likes and in a crap cheapo horror movie, please make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Never say "Who's there?" Its a death wish.

If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back in the sequel and kick ass, no explanation needed.

When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.

If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it’s just the cat, leave the room immediatey if you value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don’t fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.

If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas late at night, don’t go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions.

Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.

If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.

Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.

The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.

The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.

Along with the guy that is always making jokes

When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!

Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you.

If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It’ll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life.

Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.

If you ARE stupid enough to babysit, never try on the mom’s nightgown collection. You’ll only end up showing more skin. Remember: Skin=Death.

If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He’ll just pop through and kill you.

Same goes for leaning against the window.

If you are at your Senior prom, and the school reject has just won prom queen, slowly back away and run for the exit. All hell is about to break loose.

Always remember — SEX=DEATH!

For Other Life Saving Tips

If you are a stoner among other stoners, be the quiet one or the lovable one. All the other stoners will be killed.

If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don’t take a job as a phone counselor.

Never let someone hypnotize you at a party.

Stay away from sewers.

If you sense something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run.

If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.

After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job.

Never go to camp or become a counselor. You’ll be dead by the end of summer.

Never say “I’ll be right back.” You won’t be back. End of story.

Don’t ever do something just because someone dares you to.

If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!

Then when one of your spaceship’s crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the pervious rule), don’t let him back on the ship.

When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship’s cat.

If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON’T fall asleep, DON’T go out there, DON’T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!

A small town’s little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, “Why you’re the guest of honor! We couldn’t even have the barbecue with out you!”, run like hell.

If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.

Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

Clowns never have, nor will they ever be helpful to hang around while in a horror movie. As harmless as the might seem, they WILL kill you once you let your guard down.

Never go back for anything you lost.

Avoid people with pointy teeh.

Avoid people with lots of facial hair.

Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan,

If the barber remarks on the “666″ tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.

If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he’s with the Philadelphia Flyers.

Never buy your kid a toy that talks back.

Remember: Just say “NO” to human blood.

Never watch a horror movie while you’re in a horror movie.

Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.

Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny.

If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.

If you hit a man with a car in the middle of the night and try to roll him off of a dock, make sure that he is dead!

Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house.

Never run into a deserted graveyard at night,

If you are running away from the killer/monster, don’t even try to start the car. It doesn’t matter if the car is brand new, it won’t start.

If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.

For pete’s sake…NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.

Don’t marry a guy that has Satan Worshippers as friends. They will want you to birth the new Anti-Christ.

Never answer the phone when you are babysititng. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead.

If you think you see your girlfriend/boyfriend and they are wearing a mask, not talking, or conspicuously hiding their face, it’s not them.

Don’t be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you.

If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let’s say a severed head falling to the floor, don’t go trying to find out what it is.

Never touch something that just oozed out of a comet that landed near an abandoned farm house.

When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There’s no hope for you anyway.

Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it’s loaded.

If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you’re pretty much screwed. But at least you’ll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent.

Never try to unmask the killer.

Never hide in a closet.

If you buried your child in a strange place and he came back as a demon, DON’T bury your wife in the same place.

If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don’t stay and investigate. Run like hell.

Don’t spend a lot of time in houses decorated with an excessive amount of medivel weaponry. It will be used eventually.

Don’t make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees.

If you are going to the bathroom in a movie theatre and you think you hear a guy and a girl making out in the stall next to you, don’t put your ear closer to the wall to listen.

If you see a short guy wearing green and wearing a shamrock hat, I wouldn’t stick around to ask about his pot of gold.

Never transport the killer in an ambulance from one place to another. Even if they’ve been in a coma for 10 years, they’ll wake up.

Never listen to strange voices on the telephone.

Never say “Who’s there?”

If your hand has been possesed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down,

If you have a feeling you’ll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.

After babysitting, don’t walk down any deserted streets with lots of trees and bushes, but no lights.

If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.

Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.

When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.

If you see someone who is within screaming distance while running from the killer/monster, for the love of god, SCREAM!!

If a giant shark is chasing your family, don’t go swimming. Actually, stay away from the water, period.

If you are babysitting, don’t let the kids play with the Chucky doll.

If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell.

If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons…move away ASAP

If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:

A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.

B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.

C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you
think you are safe…he will kill you.

If the locals say the camp is haunted, it probably is.

If people in your neighborhood have been disapearing and there’s talk about a surge of any type of insect…move. Stuborn home owners always die.

When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don’t just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!

Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study “it,” or take “it” back to the corporate masters, or learn from “it” at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he’s going to sacrifice you anyway.

If the killer if after you and you somehow manage to knock him down,
don’t get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer
after you kick him a couple times.

If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you’re pretty much screwed.

If the killer/monster is dead, don’t dig up his grave to try to do a final resurrection. He will only come back to life.

If you disobey the previous rule, don’t try cutting off his head or anything
cheap. Stick a grenade in his mouth and run for it.

If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don’t just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.

A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death.

If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Semetary and hangs out with teenage girls with telekenetic powers….you’re pretty much screwed.

If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it’s in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.

Creepy Chain (don't repost this. it aint real)

....turn back now if you are very supersticious and get scared easily... if you do you will practically be scared to death

One night these five girls were having a sleepover when they heard chaos at the end of her street. they went down to find out what was happening. they learned that a woman was raped and the man was on the loose. so they quickly run home and bolt everything down. everything settles down for a while then they started hearing weird noises coming from outside. they let their minds go wild so they got scared and hid inside a closet. the man was really outside and found a window that had a broken bolt. he crept in quietly. the girls were scared crapless. he walked into the room and opened the closet, the girls screamed and ran in separate directions. four of the girls went downstairs and locked the cellar door, that was right above the bathroom. He caught the fifth girl and took her into the bathroom, raped her, and skinned her alive. her friends heard her die that night but couldn't do anything about it. they listened to her scratching the door to get out. in the morning when he had fled, the remaining went into the bathroom. There engraved into the wall was her message: "how could you have let me die" they looked up to get the tears out of their eyes and saw her flesh dangling from the knife that skinned her. If you don't repost this (pass the story on) the man will skin you alive too, because they haven't caught him yet. And the girl will make sure you will die, so she can pass on the tale. Fact: A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted "Toma soto balca" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you send this on, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.