Friday, October 12, 2012

Stories With A Twist, Can You Figure It Out


My kid's weird. He's got this habit of painting at faces sometimes, like in a picture or on TV. It was only a little while ago that I learned whenever he points at somebody like that, they're gonna die within three days.Like today,when I went to turn on the TV, my son was pointing on the screen.When i turned it on there was a Us senator, talking about a civil rights bill.Wonder how he's gonna die.

I know this isn't exactly an uncommon problem, but my mom treats my wife like crap. Whenever we come over to visit she never sets out a place for her, and today she tried to stuff her in a closet because she was "cleaning"!

This last one was too much for me. "Mom! Don't treat Ayanami that way!"
My mom looked at me and said, "Ayanami? Who's that?"
So rude. I just can't believe it.

It's been a crappy day. I woke up late, i skipped breakfast and I think I forgot to lock the door too. And to make matters worse, my boss yelled at m e again today. All the girls in the office hate him. The bald bastard. "I wonder if he's that guy who keeps stalking me?" I say to myself as I go home. 
Home, of course, is a cheap-ass apartment with a living kitchen and a seperate bedroom, and not even a window facing outside. Not that I care. It's cheap. I unlock the door and go inside. The place is trashed. Somebody must've broken in this morning...crap. I'm tired. I'l l just call the police tomorrow. I decide to skip dinner and head for the bedroom.


It's five minutes to midnight, and I'm on an express train on the outskirts of Tokyo. It's just me and a few other people, and then this one guy gets on. When he gets in, he looks around and suddenly has this terrified expression on his face as the doors close behind him. 
He walks up to a woman, "Excuse me ma'am, are you 28?"
"That's exactly right," the woman says. "How could you tell?"
He ignores her and turns to the man next to me, "And you, you're 45?"
"Why yes, that's right."
He looks to me, "And you're 35."
"That's correct. But how do you know?"
"And you miss, you're 50?"
"Yes that's right. But I'll be turning 51 tomorrow, in five minutes."
When she says this the man goes white as a sheet.
"I have a special power: I can see how long each of you is going to live."


An old man says to me, "Wanna place a game? Here's the rules. I've got a bunch of boxes, and inside one of them is the prize money. The boxes are heavy and strong, too heavy to ever open with your hands, but there are axes and welding torches and all kinds of things around them, and you can take as much time as you want. When you find the money it's yours."
Well, i don't see any way I can lose then. Worst case, I spend a night opening boxes.
"By the way, there are a ton of boxes, but if you give me $50, I'll start you right next to the prize money."
Even better! I take out my wallet and give the old guy $50.
The game starts.
The prize money is right in front of my eyes.


I hate being in crowds when it's hot. Really hate it. I'm exhausted from work, and then I have to ride the dang rush hour train home. I stagger back to my apartment building and I go inside and wait for the elevator. There's another goddamn crowd here.
An old woman and her husband, two kids in elementary school, a college student, a businessman in a suit, and a mom with a kid on her back and another holding her hand.
We all get inside, and just as the doors are about to close, this cute girl in a white dress slips past them. The weight buzzer goes off. Well, that makes sense, this thing's got a limit of 9 adults. She looks embarrassed and tries to get off, but I smile and step out of the elevator. As the doors close she's smiling back at me. Very cute. I honestly didn't want to be stuck on a full elevator, but still, totally worth it. I take the next elevator up and go back to my place. The TV's on, and the news is talking about some chick that's gone missing.


Two years ago, a good friend of mine was riding his motorcycle, and he crashed into a tree and died. It was really sudden. The day after the funeral, five of us went to his place and sorted through his stuff. This guy loved taking pictures, and he had tons of photos of the campus, the local parts, landscapes, that sort of thing. There was one that was kind of weird though. It was a photo of a bathroom mirror. Just a straight on shot of a full body mirror, reflecting back on an empty bathroom.


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